All the Rage

About the Author: Darcy Lockman

Darcy Lockman is a former journalist turned psychologist whose writing has appeared in The New York Times and the Washington Post, among others She lives with her husband and daughters in Queens.

[PDF] ✅ All the Rage  Author Darcy Lockman –
  • ebook
  • 352 pages
  • All the Rage
  • Darcy Lockman
  • 24 December 2017
  • 9780062861467

All the Rage Picking Up Where All Joy And No Fun Left Off, All The Rage Sets Out To Understand Why, In An Age Of So Called Equality, Full Time Working Mothers Still Carry.The Inequity Of Domestic Life Is One Of The Most Profound And Perplexing Conundrums Of Our Time In An Era Of Seemingly Unprecedented Feminist Activism, Enlightenment, And Change, Data Show That One Area Of Gender Inequality Stubbornly Remains The Unequal Amount Of Parental Work That Falls On Women, No Matter Their Class Or Professional Status All The Rage Investigates The Cause Of This Pervasive Inequity To Answer Why, In Households Where Both Parents Work Full Time, Mothers Contributions Even Those Women Who Earn Than Their Partners Still Outweigh Fathers When It Comes To Raising Children And Maintaining A Home.How Can This Be How, In A Culture That Has Studied And Lauded The Benefits Of Fathers Being Active, Present Partners In Child Rearing Benefits That Extend Far Beyond The Well Being Of The Kids Themselves Can A Commitment To Fairness In Marriage Melt Away Upon The Arrival Of Children Darcy Lockman Drills Deep To Find Answers, Exploring How The Feminist Promise Of True Domestic Partnership Almost Never, In Fact, Comes To Pass Starting With Her Own Case Study As Ground Zero, She Moves Outward, Chronicling The Experiences Of A Diverse Cross Section Of Women Raising Children With Men Visiting New Mothers Groups And Pioneering Co Parenting Specialists And Interviewing Experts Across Academic Fields, From Gender Studies Professors And Anthropologists To Neuroscientists And Primatologists Lockman Identifies Three Tenets That Have Upheld The Cultural Gender Division Of Labor And Peels Back The Reasons Both Men And Women Are Culpable Her Findings Are Startling And Offer A Catalyst For True Change.

10 thoughts on “All the Rage

  1. Kristy says:

    This book literally makes me want to get divorced, buy one of those body pillows and a dog, and live alone forever I also want to punch every man i know in the face, even the good ones, even the ones I really like.

  2. Katie says:

    This book will, in fact, fill you with ALL THE RAGE Darcy Lockman s nonfiction is the feminist text I didn t know I needed She breaks down the ways in which working mothers are drowning in the unshared task of parenting.It genuinely changed my perspective on planning for motherhood in the future.So many of us assume that our version of parenting will look different than that of our parents generation We expect that we will have an EQUAL partnership in child rearing Well, it turns out that privilege is a bitch and sexism is deeply ingrained in our brains and that shit is hard to shake Men will happily change diapers and engage with children, but when it comes to the day to day planning, scheduling, and sacrificing, it is still falls on women to bear the brunt of the burden.What struck me most about this book is how bitter these women were towards their partners That is NOT something I want for myself.If you are a woman who wants to have children with a man some day, All the Rage is mandatory reading I would love to read a review from a millennial mother Does your experience match this book If my partner did half the shit the men in this book did, I think I would murder him HIGHLY recommend

  3. BookOfCinz says:

    .women who work outside of the home shoulder 65 percent of child care responsibilities and their male partners 35 per cent Those percentages have held steady since the year 2000 In the last twenty years, that figure has not budged It is the year 2019 and women are still shouldering 65% child care responsibilities On one hand I am not shocked because women tend to do a lot on the other hand it is sad that this is what is currently happening I read this book in shock and awe A lot of the women who were interviewed holds a lot of resentment towards their spouse because of their inability to help out around the house or with child care For some reason, reading this book enraged me Most of the mothers said they got little help from the fathers even though they were doing a lot already Something to note is that majority of these women held down full time jobs outside of the home While some fathers held down the home and child care responsibilities, they were few and far between.According to the research, there is actually no known human society in when men are responsible for the bulk of all childrearing Cross cultural anthropologists report that every part of the world mothers are involved than fathers with the care of their young It seems, it doesn t matter how well a partner you choose, women are left with the full time job of working outside the home and taking care of the home and the kids In a 2018 report the United Nations estimated that women average 2.6 times the amount of housework and child care that men do If you are going to have kids, take those figures into consideration Darcy Lockman brought to light some new information, but for the most part she confirmed what we see in society on a daily basis I really wish those figures weren t so.Thanks for the ARC Harperbooks.

  4. Camryn says:

    I feel like this is very important for everyone to read, honestly This is how stuff worked with my parents and obviously so many other parents I don t want it to be me I think I noticed that men do way wya less and women do so much and that s one of the reasons why I wasn t interested in marriage starting at like, thirteen It seems so exhausting to be married to a straight cis man unless he s like 1 out of fifty men in this book who make an active decision to make their marriage and parenting a partnership Anyway This made me so mad The exhaustion and overwhelming feelings so many of the women expressed made me want to tell them to leave their husbands because they re basically raising kids alone anyway And I wanted to kill most of the men, including the author s husband I took a star off because this did get boring at times and also because the author kept saying stuff like pregnancy is women s job and women are the only ones who give birth that seemed really inconsiderate of trans and non binary people.

  5. Brittani Lenz says:

    Accurate title is accurate.

  6. Rivka Uster says:

    There is so much to unpack and reflect upon in this book It definitely allowed me to finally put my finger on what and why some of my frustrations exist I have begun reflecting on my own behavior and how some of it might be implicitly giving my husband a pass in areas that are problematic I listened to the audiobook book and the narrator was fantastic, though, I think I ll go back to the physical book itself to take another look at the data.

  7. Jenna says:

    It will make you angry She does an excellent job providing detailed research on the current situation of inequality of domestic unpaid labor If you are a mom under the age of 40, your head will probably get sore from all of the nodding in agreement You will probably shout Amen than once Only four stars because there are no practical steps to improve equality mostly just a reminder of where we are and keep the conversation going.

  8. Melanie says:

    Before I started this book, I was worried that it would fill me with fury and the desire to seek a divorce It didn t, but it really came off as preaching to the choir dual employed couples with child ren , and I skimmed much of the second half because I just could not take it any There were a lot of citations, including books I ve read before, but it was tedious and repetitive.Author has a bunch of anonymized case studies interview participants but they re spread out all over the book, so like, you ll read about Miranda from Portland or Desiree from Kansas three or four different times for a paragraph or two, then she ll disappear for a chapter or , and because there are at least 20 of these disenchanted moms, they all run together while being entirely unmemorable The whole of the book was like this, with the author popping in and out in first person, occasionally mentioning the ever enlightening George her husband and I just got frustrated with it.If you re trying to get men or women or other people to take you seriously to effect social change, don t bore them to death with data or rant until you ve beaten your point into a bloody pulp My husband works full time, I do not, and he takes on a considerable share of childrearing, not least because I have trained him, and don t emasculate or hen peck if he doesn t match the top and bottom of the baby s outfit He does zero housework, but we have very different standards with regards to housework, and we have children who need training in how to do chores properly I hire a yard guy to cut the grass, and it s well worth the investment in that it frees up our time and keeps us from a chore that neither of us likes or is good at.I recently read a book about global population dropping, and I wonder how much is directly tied into issues raised in this book that working wives do everything when it comes to childrearing so they re too burnt out to have than 1 or 2 kids at most, and resent the ones they have.

  9. Briana says:

    All the Rage Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Parenting is one of a couple recent releases about the division of labor within the home and how women married to men are still doing the bulk of housework and childcare regardless of whether both parents work, whether just the father works, whether just the mother works, etc So far every book and article I ve read on this topic has felt worth my time investment, enlightening me as to how sexism can still play out even when couples want to or even believe their partnership is equal Further, though some of the research in All the Rage might be familiar to anyone who has read up on this topic, the book is not just a repeat of other books It attempts to extend beyond the hope to look at sex and gender in society and potentially explain why women are doing work at home whether it s because of socialization to be nice, stereotypes that women are better carers that women buy into, an attempt to gain power within the home, or something else So I do recommend All the Rage if you re interested in this topic but have already read similar books, although it s not my favorite book on the topic nor where I might recommend one start.The author s attempts to bring in wide ranging research about related topics, not just how labor is divided in the home and what the consequences of that are for women s health, their marriage, etc are great for starting to get at the question of why labor division is so unequal, but they also make the book feel a bit disjointed Even the subheadings are not particularly clear, and the organization of the book was not always obvious to me I simply went along with the flow of the research and read the information as it was presented to me Expect to make your own connections between that information and the question of unequal parenting partnerships, as the author does not always make them explicit herself.I also did not always love the tone of the book, which can get snarky or dismissive towards men at times I get it The author and a lot of women are ticked off, and I think the tone will actually resonate with a lot of women who are reading the book because they are mad However, many men are already defensive about this Tweet a study about how men don t do equal housework and watch all the replies come rolling in about how the studies are wrong or how Well, I do tons of work I do than my wife or I mow the lawn once a week So this tone probably isn t going to be a hit with any guy who does pick up the book, and I think that s a flaw if the goal is to make people self reflect.Mostly, however, I love that this book is thought provoking, and not always in the ways readers might like I ve read varying reactions to the book on Goodreads all from women and they range from women identifying with the feeling of being burdened with nearly all the household work to women being disgusted that other women would let this happen to them A lot of women feel they would never put up with this, but the book uncomfortably makes the reader think about why women do It might be because, studies suggest, both women and men think men are doing half the work when they re only doing about 35% People think their relationships are equal when they re not Or it might be because women do feel some happiness at being told they re a good wife or good mother when they run the household they ve been socialized to think that Or it might be because, as the author puts a bit flippantly, are you really going to get a divorce because you re husband whom you love and who loves you and, you know, does some work sometimes didn t change a diaper Of course it s not about the diaper, but the point is that that there are kinds of social factors that help women, and men, rationalize women s being burdened with all the work, and while it s easy to look at this situation from the outside and say, That will never happen to me, the horrifying truth of the book is that it happens all the time, and uprooting life with a divorce is not an easy option for a lot of women.Related to this point, the idea that women let themselves be left with all the work, I like that the book acknowledges that too many times solutions to problems like this put the onus on women to fix sexism and injustice If women would just do something differently, the theory is, if they would just be assertive enough or ask men to do the chores enough or just do something magic thing, then men would do housework and childcare It shouldn t work that way Having to repeatedly ask someone to do work in their own home is labor of its own, and it s not the solution most women are looking for, particularly when they might be called nagging as a result However, the book does suggest that the couples with the most equal partnerships did have to constantly, actively work at it together which is at least slightly different from only the woman working at it.You don t have to be a parent or even married to find this book interesting and information that might be useful to you If you want an equal partnership now or in the future or if you re just interested in feminism or family relationships, I think you ll get something out of All the Rage.

  10. Gwen says:

    if I could excerpt the whole book, I wouldA few weeks ago, I was chatting with some friends about existential career questions when the topic of children came up All of us are childfree 30 somethings, and we threw around many, many thoughts on why have or not children I wish I had read Lockman s book before the conversation since she articulated all of my thoughts and then some so much better than I did I couldn t highlight the whole book, but I wanted to remember these passages and their concepts In the language of family studies, women and men do not develop the same parental consciousness when they transition into mother and fatherhood they continue on separate and unequal paths of knowing or not knowing as their children change and grow Parental consciousness is the awareness of the needs of children accompanied by the steady process of thinking about those needs Women have come to call it the mental load, and in those relatively egalitarian households where men share day care pickup and put away clean laundry, it s the aspect of childrearing most likelyto stimulate marital tension between mothers and fathers 139 140 In my research, I found that equal co parenting tended to happen under only three, often overlapping, conditions when there was an explicitly steadfast commitment on the part of both partners to staying on top of parity when men really enjoyed the type of regular and intimate contact that only mothers typically have with their kids and after fathers had taken substantial paternity leave 218 219.To re read Overwhelmed Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the TimeHalving It All How Equally Shared Parenting WorksShattered Modern Motherhood and the Illusion of Equalityh t Lockman s NYT op ed and Jezebel interview